I am Katniss Everdeen!

Okay, I'm not.  But I got your attention, didn't I?

I'm exhausted. Physically and emotionally exhausted.  January has been an incredibly busy yet amazingly satisfying month.

I came into this new term ready and willing.  I knew what my routine was, I felt comfortable with the people around me and I was ready to tackle the new year with vigor.   Everything was going well at first.  I helped plan the first Chapel service and took a fairly big role in presenting it.  I was confident in my place at school.

Then it was time for the BIG conference in Wales with TfG.  I was excited and nervous and terrified all at the same time.  BIG is the mid-service conference held by Time for God where all of their volunteers for the year get together in one place.  There were about 75 of us, as well as a handful of January starters.

Hailey, Me, Mackenzie, and Bryce on the bus

After a 5 hour bus ride with a few YAGM friends (and many other volunteers) we arrived at Cefn Lea in Newtown, Powys, Wales.  I found my name tag, checked in and headed off to find my chalet for the week.   I arrived to find 2 of 4 beds already taken.  I pondered who's stuff it might be.  Turns out I was rooming with 3 girls I had never met before.  It's all right.  It's good for me.  I unpacked and made my bed and headed up to the main building to find my YAGMs.

Soon it was time for supper - which was delicious and home made by the family who owns Cefn Lea.  After supper meant it was time for Worship Band rehearsal.  I felt a lot of pressure with us being the first band, and only having 30 minutes to practice 4 songs half of us had never heard before.  Worship wasn't perfect, but looking back, I'm glad it wasn't.  God doesn't care if we mess up a song as long as the intent behind it is all for him.

Me on top of the 'mountain'

The first night I woke up in the middle of the night in a sweat.  It was like a freaking sauna!!!   I didn't want to open the window in case one of the roomies didn't like it so I opened the door to the toilet (the room was FREEZING) and it cooled down the area by my bed enough so I could fall asleep.  In the morning, we all complained about how hot it was and vowed to open the window and turn down the heater.  (Turns out almost every room was a sauna the first night).

That was the first of many nights I didn't sleep well.  I didn't really sleep the whole week at Wales.  I just couldn't get comfortable, or I couldn't turn off my brain. I hiked a really tall hill (sometimes I call it a mountain because I feel better about how much I struggled) and my quads hurt for days!   I left the conference early to get back to school in time to pack up and head out for a weekend away with the Christian Union girls and some students from Lord Wandsworth College.

Reflection time

Wanna guess how much I slept over the weekend?  If you answered "not much", you would be correct.  I survived on coffee and the beauty of the place we were staying.  God sustained me using other means that weekend.  Coffee, S'mores, and lots and lots of sweeties!  I also had my first big bought of homesickness.   I thought for sure that the holiday season would be full of tears, but it wasn't.  Who would have guessed that making s'mores and singing a couple fun-campfire songs would have set me off??  I went to my room and cried and thought of all the amazing summers I spent at Carol Joy Holling Retreat Center in Ashland, NE.  I remembered all of the amazing friends I made there and how much I truly missed that place.

Finally, when I had no more tears to shed, I wiped my eyes, took a big breath, grabbed my fuzzy blanket, and headed back to the lounge to be with everybody else.  Pete (the Chaplain from LWC) and Katrina were in the kitchen making hot chocolate, so I joined them.  Jokingly, Pete asked if I had had a meltdown and he was a bit surprised when I honestly answered, "yes."  The three of us talked about what triggered it and after discussing it I felt a huge weight lifting from my shoulders.

Archery

The weekend was full of amazing discussions about some controversial topics (death, LGBT, does God exist, and others) and some much needed time to relax and think of all the ways God is working in our lives. We also had some fun.  We did archery (hence, the title), a low ropes course, table tennis, foozball (how do you even spell it?), and many group games: Empires, I like my neighbor, and others.

I returned to school hoping to catch up on sleep but my brain still wouldn't shut off at night.  I finally fell asleep quickly on Wednesday night, only to be abruptly awoken at 4:30 am when the house fire alarm went off.  It was not a drill, but luckily there was no fire.  It turns out that our fire alarms are very sensitive and can be set off if there is a lot of dust.  I was worthless on Thursday morning.  My brain was mush.  During morning prayer I explained my state of being to Katrina and her response was, "Maybe God is trying to prepare you for less sleep."  It wasn't the most comforting thought to think that God wants me to be really tired for some reason, but she had a point.  I did my best to make it through the day (including taking a nap at lunch time) and I survived.

I don't foresee any circumstances that would require lack of sleep on my part, but if something happens I will let you all know.  Until then, I'm going to enjoy all the sleep I can get this weekend.

~Lina