In 14 days I will head to training in Chicago before leaving the country for a year. 365 days. 525,600 minutes.
I'm trying not to think about all the important people, and events I will miss. But it is difficult not to focus on that. Yesterday at work two 4th grade girls bawled as I was trying to leave. It hit them that it was officially my last week with them. I didn't realize that I had that much of an effect on them.
I told myself I wouldn't cry when I left. I lied. I instantly started tearing up when I was trying to comfort those girls. It felt like I had literally ripped their hearts out. I'm dreading Friday. It will officially be my last day at my job, and I fear that more kids will cry. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I can possibly comfort them, when I can't even comfort myself!
The most common question I get from the kiddos - "Why do you HAVE to leave?" How do I explain to a 9 year old that I don't HAVE to leave, I CHOSE to leave. I CHOSE to not see them for a year. How do I explain that I'm leaving not because I don't love them, but because I need to leave for ME. I need a change. I need to put myself in a new, scary situation to see how tough and resilient I can be. How do I tell them, that I'm being selfish? All they see is abandonment.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Him, who gives me strength.
Heavenly Father, please, give me the right words to say to these kids as I leave, and grant me the strength to walk away.
~~Lina
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