Solitude

One of my biggest concerns upon learning that I would be serving in the United Kingdom for a year, was time spent alone.  I was told from the beginning that I would have more free time than work time, especially in the first few weeks.  I told everyone who asked that some solitude would be fine.  I would figure out how to entertain myself.

I've always considered myself an extrovert.  I love being around people, making new friends, being center of attention, and making a fool of myself.  I'm the first to volunteer to be a guinea pig during lectures and conferences.  Being around people has always been easy.  So naturally, being alone for an extended period of time was worrisome.  I worried about making friends.  I worried about being seen as an outcast, someone who clearly didn't fit in.  I worried that my outgoing personality would be frowned upon.

Even though my Meyers-Briggs Personality Test says I'm and ENFP (Extrovert iNtuition Feeling Perceiving), I'm finding that my inner-introvert is slowly emerging.  The first few weeks I was very quiet.  Only spoke when spoken too, and even then my answers were short. One sentence. Maybe two. I tried so hard to conform to what I thought were the expectations of the school and society.

When I met a small group of people for a bible study, I didn't say one word for the entire 90 minutes other than, "Hello, I'm Aline."  I listened.  I tried to decipher the personalities of the other 4 people in the room. At the end, we all shared prayer requests.  Mine was prayer for a solid schedule to be approved soon.  I didn't ask for what I really needed - Strength to get through the week.

I was so frustrated with myself after because I was afraid!  ME!  Afraid of new people.  Who was this girl?? Surely, it wasn't me.  I don't think I've EVER been afraid of meeting someone new.  I was a totally different person for the first 3 or 4 weeks. Shy, quiet, reveling in the alone time I was given.

watching rugby with MK, MT, and KC

Slowly, I came out of my shell.  I'm more myself than when I started but I still have a long way to go. The girls see more of my true self than any of my colleagues.  I can be goofy with the girls and they don't judge me (at least not to my face).  We play games and sing songs.  Cook brownies, watch rugby and make cheese toasties (Grilled Cheese).

Presently, I am in my flat, alone.  All of the girls are gone for half-term break, and I am here.  I wasn't sure I how I would feel about these few days alone before a conference with all my UK YAGM friends, but I'm starting to love this time.  I can sing at the top of my lungs.  Watch movies (currently listening to "The Lizzie McGuire Movie"). Listen to music and mostly, process.  It gives me the time to really think about everything that is happening here.

Today, I realized that I don't have to be one thing.  I don't have to be Aline the Extrovert, or Aline the Introvert.  I can just be Aline. I don't need to try to be someone that I am not.  If I want to really, truly be present here, I just need to be.  I need to say yes to new experiences (like being forced to try Marmite by the girls. It was bad. really bad.) I will make a true effort to get to know new people and make friends.  I can claim a few already, but there are so many people I see often, and I don't know more than their name - sometimes I can't even remember that!  But I am making the conscious effort to try harder.  And for now that has to be enough.

~Lina

Sticky Labels

Teacher
Pretty
Gay
Straight
Black
White
Politician
Migrant
Intelligent
Blonde

These are all examples of labels that we stick to one another, usually before we even have a conversation.  They are based on what we see and what we believe to be true.  Labels can be positive or negative. The problem with labels is that once we label a person we have attached an assumption to them, and may or may not choose to actually get to know them based on that assumption.

Sticking a label on a person de-humanizes them.  It causes us to view them as something OTHER than a human being. Every human has a story.  Every story is important.

Sunday evening, during chapel we asked the girls to write labels on stickies and place them on my jacket.  At the end I took off the jacket full of labels and placed it at the cross.  Jesus not only CHOSE to interact with those who are labelled, but he was often labelled himself.  His death frees us of our labels.  Ones that others give to us and ones we give ourselves.  What struck me the most about this activity wasn't the fact that I was being labelled, but that one girl actually apologized as she stuck the label onto my jacket. She was the only one who said anything remorseful.

Some labels

more labels

Her reaction stuck with me throughout the evening. What if we ALL apologized when we labelled people?  Or better yet, what if we consciously chose NOT to label others? What if we actually LISTENED to the stories of people around us and made an effort to help them?

personal commitment

80+ girls in Winchester, UK made the commitment to look past labels tonight.  And for that I am hopeful.  Hopeful for the future.

Prayer

Lost in Translation

A German, an Ecuadorian, an Australian, and an American arrive at a school.


Sounds like the beginning of a joke, but here at St. Swithuns it is my reality.  Here they have 4 GAPs on staff every year.  *A GAP is a young person usually taking a year off before heading to university. *

The American gap (me) helps in a boarding house and is the Chaplain's assistant.
The German, and Ecuadorian gaps help in boarding houses and the language department.

There is also an Australian gap that helps in a boarding house and the PE department.

Laura, Juliana, and I have had one day together (Alex, the Aussie, returns Tuesday).  Our conversations are slow and hard to follow as we try to explain words, find similarities and repeat ourselves, a lot.  

L: What is the opposite of Luck?A: Bad Luck.  Or Unlucky.L: Really?

Or this conversation that happened at dinner.

L:What does this fruit chew look like?A: I don't know.J: An old man.L: The bird. You know the one that goes "Hoo, hoo."A: You mean an owl?

If you had told me communication would be difficult before I came, I probably would have laughed at you.  Proper English is easy enough to understand, even the Kiwi on staff is understandable if I pay attention.  I never would have guessed that 3 girls would struggle to understand each other using the same language.  

Even though we struggle, we have made a promise that I will help correct their English, and I hope they will teach me some words or phrases in their first language.  Today I learned the German word for Butterfly.

Schmetterling

But for more than one butterfly it is NOT schmetterlings. It is schmetterlinge.  We are able to laugh at our mistakes, and learn freely without feeling like a failure.  We have an understanding that we will help each other throughout the year.  Today it is language, by the end it might be helping each other say goodbye.  

We joked tonight at dinner that by June I will be able to finish their English sentences for them, without prompting.  I can't wait for the adventures I will have with these girls and the memories we will make. 

Adios!  Auf Wiedersehen!

~~Lina